I’ve never been a lover of exercise. That comes from when I was at school. I was always picked last for teams and was never really into sports. Swimming was the exercise I enjoyed, but even then as I got older I became a lot more body conscious and I didn’t want to run the risk of someone I knew seeing me in my swimsuit. So I shied away from exercise because I was embarrassed.
There have been a few times when I’ve signed up to the gym (after a break up) thinking I needed to be skinny and fit for someone else to love me. When really I should have been working on learning to love myself. I quickly lost interest when I wasn’t getting the results I had hoped for. And I didn’t have anyone to go with to keep me motivated. Plus I didn’t feel like going after work or getting up early and going before. So it didn’t take long before I quit and went back to the self loathing and feeling miserable.
I did a couple of sponsored walks and felt amazing after doing them with endorphins were flowing. But I’d quickly forget that feeling.
I tried silly diets drinking shakes (costing me a fortune in the process) but they didn’t work because I was always hungry.
I found that I would snack more if I was struggling with my anxiety. I would eat take aways and junk food because I couldn’t face it to start cooking. Especially if I had had a bad day at work and a few years ago that was nearly every day. And I wasn’t about to start doing anything that involved exercising.
2 years ago I was in a bad place with my mental health and work. I had no real support system or social group in London. But when I met my boyfriend I started to feel more positive about things. He helped me to see the positives in things. We even did 10k for race for life. We would go on days out and do lots of walking. My anxiety began to improve and BF made me do things that made me anxious so that I knew I could over come anything.
I was feeling better, work was improving. Then 2020 happened. We stopped going out (I was scared) and I certainly did not want to go out for my hour of exercise a day when people didn’t know how to social distance. The longer in lockdown the more weight I put on. But I don’t think I truly realised how much weight I had put on till I saw full length pictures of myself.
Over Easter this year I decided I did not want to be unhealthy and unfit. I wanted to be proud of myself and finally have some confidence in myself. I bit the bullet and joined a gym again – this time one close to work so I could go on the way home. To my luck one of my friends from work also goes to the same gym. So I have a gym buddy.
The first few sessions were really hard, my fitness level was at 0. But I started setting myself mini goals every time I go. I have also found I enjoy it more if I watch a tv show while working out on the bike or treadmill rather than listening to music as I focus on that rather than the time or distance. I am enjoying going far more than I thought I would. It’s an excellent stress relief after a day at work and gives me something else to think about. I tire myself out physically. So I have found I sleep a lot better.
I have been going to the gym nearly every day (during the week) for nearly a month now and eating lot better as well. I am finding that it is starting to pay off. I have been getting compliments saying it it showing. This has given me a boost and helping me with my body confidence and loving myself.
I used to think exercise being good for your mental health was a myth, however I am learning now that it’s true – any form of exercise is good for you both physically and mentally.
Get out there and start loving yourself.
Emily’s world 